Disturbance Bends Light
It has taken a while to get all my marbles together, draw a circle, and edge up close to it so I can decide, “Should I play?” Not marbles, but word play and should it become a personal blog. About me, and I thought that could be a problem, but based on it being months since last posting, writing and sharing and showing a burst of energy might be the very thing I need, moving forward, enter a competition and see who and how and when things fall back into place, such that I can tell myself, “This is as good as it gets. Enjoy.”
Silence is my twin. And winter has been both brutal and long. New guy gets elected in America, and it is not her. Big surprise. Another male president and for the spring and into summer, the experience is as real as it gets. Each day we wake and see a leader pointing at himself saying in so many ways, “Ain’t I Great?” Okay, maybe that is just an opinion from one who runs for cover, needs to be out and about and in sunlight, but for now, chooses to stay out of the line of fire, and sunlight is hot and rewarding in a melanoma-free-way in the borderlands of North and West and far away from Washington D.C. I should be safe, and should be able to show some skin.
But the truth is: Disturbance Bends Light, and that is what I seem to be experiencing now. Not a medical condition, as much as it is the stress of adapting and staying out of harm’s way, until one has accomplished the learning curve, and enters a safe zone of knowledge and understanding of the Improved and New. “Who Knew?” I ask.
And suddenly there is a flash of light but with my eyes closed, I can only surmise that the phenomenon of the present moment is entirely internal. What I see is very little. Great surprise and is not a problem with my eyes, rather is a state of mind I am weighted down with, and not sure when I am coming out, and joining in the Marble Circle. Rock Solid
Hard, this decision to come out is.
It would be nice if I had my Bible and could quote chapter and verse, and in doing so, comfort would be with me. Struggling. Long winter. Depression and its more than minor headaches about 4 times a week. Waiting for the moment when the lights go on, even if its daylight and I am outside. Not in a blind spot, for what I know, is more like my thoughts are limiting me from just saying, “A-O-K.”
“Everything gets brighter and for a second I think, summer normal, and then I wonder have I entered the tunnel between life and death, and what seems the reason for political chaos in daily affairs, is no longer the cause or the incentive for grabbing hold of a glass of wine, or something stronger.” Where am I going with the disturbance that bends light and leaves me feeling out of the loop, and in a place I have never been before? Not sure.
I have not yet reached the center of gravity that has me between knowing and feeling. And heaven and earth, is much like the other side of the moon seen from standing on the surface of the sun. Certainty avoids me in the present moment, and my mind and body state is not scheduled to happen in this lifetime, that sun and moon and me are simultaneous and in conjunction, and one point of being.
There is a street not far from when I am at the moment: Aurora Avenue and it goes north and south, and helps me define both medium and area and boundary, and places I can and can’t go. Mental disturbance, or is it physical? Blinding light and then total darkness, and is as if my whole life is waving back to me, turning a corner in a universe that remains, unmapped, and saying, “If you are to keep up and be with me, you must lose the body and all those things associated with it.”
Not sure if it is a challenge or just a statement of fact. For now I still am locked in concentration with my changing environment, and face summer with a hopeful proposition that includes, change of season and this will be good for me. Truth is I just don’t know. Good for me and is that something that loses meaning with velocity change and a new president taking us where he wants to go, and in truth, has very little to do with me. ??? Auto-Type puts it there. Wasn’t me. Don’t blame it on my tweeting habit. Just Don’t.
Not a question I am asking, so I avoid using the question mark at the end of the last sentence. Not sure what angle others are taking, but am aware disturbance bends light, and I am being caught up in some frequency of demand that is neither transparent or invisible to me. See it for what it is. Parallel to normal and processed with my usual point of view, leaves me out there, not seeing things as they truly are.
In what direction am I going with all of this, and now captive at an angle of 60 degrees, perhaps I am. And I wonder if I will ever return to the place where all of this started, and visuals will be distorted by a converging lens that includes, heaven and earth as equal to the point where darkness and light are one point of total relief from that which has come before and contained in the prism of personal experience I once thought, was only mine? Now universal.
Have no reason to try to make disturbance powerful enough to bend light personal. No reason to invent a purpose for this condition, disturbance bending light. Instead I will look for the logic of one size fits all, and see the points of infinity and eternity as a good explanation why staying the way I am in present moment form, will be all but impossible. My thoughts intersect with the physical imperatives of an aging body, leaving me to ask, “Does it matter who is president of the united states?” No soul. NO Face. NO LIMITS.
Just a sense of consequence that comes with being here. Dealing with Me. That’s it. Me in the circle of life and it is not personal. Am reinventing myself to make this all true. But am still, just a beginner. So it might not be working the way I thought it would, this mind over matter, and out of body experience, now being influenced by a higher power times 3, and it makes me think. “Will summer ever come?”
And with that I take my place near the circle, pull out my marble bag, and say to those in near proximity, “Are you ready. Let’s do this.” Then tells himself; we have no idea what happens when involved with disturbance bending light, and summer might not apply or even show up, what with Climate Change and Paris in the rear view mirror. Who knows? What happens next when wavelength and frequency and product equal nothing we have seen before, in a zero-sum-occurrence we have yet to experience?
And with that, he pulls the curtain and shuts the light out, best he can. “If I can’t see it, it isn’t there.” Is something he remembers from his first sermon in the second grade, which for the record, he didn’t pass and had to repeat, over and over until they said,
“Enough. Just go.”